Winter Depression: the Theatrical Trailer

A friend of mine posted this piece of crêpe:

"Remember when you first fully understand and appreciate the meaning of Hari Raya? You wanted to be the first to arrive at the mosque, you wanted to takbir the loudest, you wanted to collect the most duit raya, you wanted to visit as many house as you could. But now, when you've grown up, what was special has now become a routinised ritual, which in turn becomes something ordinary.

I think 4 years spending Raya overseas has killed my joy for Raya. I am now officially the Scrooge of Raya."

Damn him and his insightful, albeit bleak, observation.

Raya in Kelantan has always been a joyful occasion for me. What with the ketupat making and the bunga api playing and the duit raya getting...

Now, after 6 years of idealizing Raya in Kelantan, there's a nagging voice at the back of my head saying that Raya in Kelantan sucks now.

I've never gotten along all that well with my fathers' side. Plus, forget the fact that I've not met some cousins for the last 6 years and judging from photos, I wouldn't recognize them if I met them on the streets, I get new relatives EVERY year, that, honestly, I'm not sure how many of them there are. My mom's side's, my preferred side's in shambles after my grandma passed away. Petty squabbles over childish things.

What is there to look forward to every Raya nowadays, then? Stranger-cousins or being utterly alone in a huge house?



Yesterday, I was talking to Pervoner and had to admit the bitter truth that people do change. Subtly, but surely. And 6 years in Russia, I missed out on the important parts. It's like I know Windows through XP but now with Vista, the little differences confuse me and I wish I could have XP again. Yes, I'm a geek.

It doesn't help that there're very few people, almost none, here that I could and want to hang out with if we have the time. There's something about Subang that makes us different, methinks. I'm not saying that Subang kids better than the rest of you, no, but different takes on the same issues make a very stressful conversation.

The saddest of cases is when we grow apart, despite all the hard work we did to maintain the relationship.



So, I propose that we raise our proverbial glasses in toast for friendships lost and idealization of the past. Che-fucken'-ers.

Randomness

The real reason I post random thoughts entries is because I'm having a meracau-ADD-like state of mind that I can't elaborate on things I want to say. So, as they say in the earliest of books, hey-ho let's go:

• In the beginning was the Word. Rhythm came soon after.

• Eloping, in my opinion, is a vain attempt at cheating God. So is bashing people's head in with maces and clubs.
  

• Pigs are as sacred to me as every other living beings, and I'm a Muslim.

• I start to remember why I skip our weekly yum cha in favor of Survivor

• I just watched Sepet for the first time.

• One of the main reasons Malaysian movies don't sell themselves, in my honest opinion, is that the dialogues sound so artificial that it's laughable. Something like Obsessed.

• I started to realize how big a loss Yasmin Ahmad is.

• I don't ge why people get so miffed when I said I like that khunsa/hermaphrodite but they don't bat an eyelid when I say I hate that guy/girl.
  

• I really feel the urge to start to pray. And no, not because nanti banyak dosa masuk neraka. Fuck dosa, fuck pahala, fuck syurga, fuck neraka. The only reason I write this here is so that I am forced to act rather than procrastinate, though I do that so well.

• I think too much of myself. I am usually right, though.

• I have to change some things, be it the position of my bed or the style of my clothes, in my life so often that I'm fairly convinced it's pathological.
  

• I'd like to post a post one day in pure conversational malay that doesn't sound awkward.

• This is a random picture.

• I think that's enough for now.
  

Obligatory Raya Post

It's Raya. I'm Malay. Therefore, by the unwritten law which governs us all, I have to write something about Raya, or at least its spirit.

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As you can see the bloody Block is still around. So, I'm gonna just type this out as I think. Get ready for a trip into a Fuzzy mind. Jeng jeng jeng!

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Yes, the jeng jeng jeng is rather cliche.

Raya, raya... Duh, of course, Family. Family equals to relationship. Relationship equals to people asking me when I'm getting a partner. For two years I've been using the term Aseksual. Today, I've unwittingly discovered a new phrase that I can use. Takde nafsu. Yes, cry your hearts out, ladies, Monsieur Johan takde nafsu. Stop trying to matchmake, ye nosy basterds. Yes, with an e.


Here's a raya giraffe for you.


Raya also means forgiveness. Reconciliation. How I wish certain people would just forget the petty squabbles and realize that there are more to life than those tiny stupid things. Make my future Raya fun, people. The world revolves around me, why isn't it doing the things I want to do? Bloody world.

Dr Mufti Perlis, who isn't the mufti anymore but still, that's how I'm gonna refer to him because I can't remember his name, wrote a nice article on how people should focus on the bright side of Raya instead of the sad part. I'll do that once Raya is a happy event again.

But because Dr Mufti Perlis said that, I'm gonna end this post in a less bitter note.

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Uh
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Sugar.

I want to write.

No, that's not entirely true.

I don't want to write. I NEED to write. My scribal meat gun is jonesing for some action.

Bloody writers' block.