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Things I learnt Recently

MAJOR EDIT. Before you read the following post, I'd like to share this video with you. It has nothing to do with the post but just watch it unless you follow Britain's Greatest Talents fervently:

Now, you can enjoy our regular programming.

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I've learnt a new thing. I'll explain it in point form so that the blur and ignorant among us don't need to feel dumb.

1. You have apocrine glands [This is not the thing I learnt recently!]
2. Apocrine glands produce pheromones [No, either.]
3. Pheromones are airborne chemicals that in humans mainly function is for sexual arousal [I know this, too]
4. Apocrine glands mainly are situated in the pubic and axilliary areas [You know what, I'm just gonna tell you which one I don't know]
5. Axilla is your armpit
6. Apocrine glands start to work on the onset of puberty
7. Pubic and armpit hair also start to grow on when you start your puberty
8. Armpit and pubic hair is not like your normal head hair [You know it, you've caressed and compared your hairs too. Admit it]
9. Apparently, according to some US-based NEWTON online scientific society doctor, the function of these coarse hairs [This is the part I didn't know] is to project pheromones more efficiently 0.o
10. Conclusion 1: If you shave/pluck/epilate your armpit and pubic hair, you're gonna be less sexy to people further from you.
11. Conclusion 2: I still find armpit hair gross. And ungroomed pubic hair too. [This is the second part of the things I didn't know]

To fix that information in your mind scroll down...

Enjoy the rest of your day with that image in your head

P.S. I swear, after my english post, I've been doing a LOT of silly grammatical mistakes wtf

How to combat winter depression

These few days I've been plagued with winter depression. No, not as horrible as my prep-first-year years, not really a depression, also. More of a slight blue funk than depression, really. 

Then, today, to make matters worse, today I feel the encroaching army of sickness. You know the feeling: not-really-sore throat; a general not-so-weak weakness; not-really-pain in your muscles, or in my case fat flaps; that warm-not-in-a-good-way thing that's trapped in you. Yeah, sickness precognition wtf.

So, I decided to get out of my emotional and physical bummed-up mojo on the way to the bathroom. And no, I didn't raise my spirits traditionally. You can't get it up when you're feeling all sick and stuff. 

I decided to shower in a colder temperature than comfortable: cold showers are always refreshing. Got rid of that sick feeling right away.

Now, to battle the aforementioned slight blue funk: I set this as my wallpaper:

Now the faithful readers of my blogdrive blog would understand this but I'll explain it to you anyway. 

These are cosplayers potraying the Legend of Zelda characters. That's unimportant. I laugh pitifully at cosplayers in general. They always seem to have no life. Even more than me. 

But these girls... Let it be known that I harbor no lustful thoughts for them. I just like to look at their cute faces. They always make me giggle. No, I don't imagine them naked, I don't imagine doing nasty stuff to them. I just like to look at their faces. GiggleGiggleGiggle. 

The left one is rather androgynous but her smile... God, her smile! I tell you, most people would look thousands of times better when they're smiling. But then again, some look more horrendous. Her smile could rival Mona Lisa's but that's not really fair, is it? Mona Lisa's smile says, "I'm thinking of that secret we both share."; Left girl's saying... I don't know what. I scrolled up to the picture for reference and started giggling again.

The right one have that "Ooh! Bunnies!" look that's priceless. That also make me giggle like a little girl. 

GiggleGiggleGiggle

I wanted to lament how I could not seem to want to write about anything but religious restrictions and to write a fiction but... oops, glanced up and giggled again.

Ihihihihihihihihihihihihi

Edit: One thing I absolutely hate about blogspot is how they don't widen your column when you put a big pic. I had to do this manually.

Language I

I have this rather irrational fear of people thinking that I look down on the Malay Language. Sure, I find the vulgar words extremely... well, vulgar. I mean, for me, Fuck is not so vulgar compared to Puki and Pantat and even the quasi-rude Cipet. They sound horrendous, don't you agree? I for one can't use them even when I'm angry. Unlike Fuck.



But I digress. I speak very bad proper Malay. I write very bad Malay. Hell, in my SPM the lowest mark I got was Malay. I did not grow up in a Malay speaking environment. Before you give me all the pah! and tearing of clothes with disgust at my statement, I would like to inform you that my parents encouraged us to speak English from a very early stage. We grew up with Peter and Jane. And they'd buy us gifts if we speak good English. True, they don't speak English all the time. Hell, not even most of the time. They speak Kelantanese or Kelantanese English.

Again, with the hair-pulling and cloth-tearing: STOP! Kelantanese have very different grammatical structure compared to Malay.



For instance, in Malay, you would say, "Pagi tadi, semasa di dalam perjalanan ke sekolah, saya ternampak kemalangan jalan raya di antara dua kereta."
Now, in Kelantanese, that would be, "Pagi ni kawe dok jale gi skoloh, tibo-tibo gedegung! Keto bi eng langga pghotong. Huh, habeh punoh pghotong loh. Hok tue dio tu pulok..."

That is without all the inflections. Inflections and sound effect and elaboration of the subject is very important in Kelantanese.

If you simply say, "Pagi ni, tengah kawe dok jale gi skoloh, kawe napok keto langga keto.", a Kelantanese would nod and though, he would register what you said, it would take massive willpower and effort to continue the conversation.

Ok, so I grew up in a Kelantanese-English+English environment. Until this day, whenever I go to a friend's place and hear him speak in BM to his family, I suppress the laughter. Especially Johor BM. Yes, Nurlin, if you read this, I have to tell you, hearing you use Kamu with your brother is extremely funny to me.



So, let's examine my forte instead, eh? I speak horrible English. This was confirmed to me by Barry in Darjah 6 and now it's even worse. Russian, Malay and Kelantanese influence screw up my speaking English.

My writing English, on the other hand, I would be modest to say that I'm just above average and hell, let me be modest here. Russian still mess up with my English but I rather think that I do less careless mistake in writing English than most non-native speakers. That being said, you could, of course, understand why was I so pissed when my UiTM English teacher told me I speak good English. No? Well, let me tell you the story:

I was in UiTM for two months before I started studying in Russia. So, we had a class of English 101 in UiTM. It was the first day of the English class. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. I was in a fairly good mood. I loved English classes in high school. Not so much because of the teacher. The teacher was ok for your average high school English teacher but she used to teach Geography, for goodness sake. And me and few of my friends were better at the language than her. That's not an exaggeration. No, I looked forward to English classes for the Essay-writing part of the programme. We would let our imagination go wild with every story. Ah, those were the days.

So where was I? Oh yes, the English 101. So, for the first day of class we had to do a pop quiz. Fair enough, I thought. You have to test our mastery of English, don't you? So, I look at the questions and was baffled. I had to fill in the blanks with 'is', 'are' or 'am'. I thought of telling the teacher there must be some mistake but being quite the nerd that I was and am, I just did what I was told. Surely, it's for formality sake, right?

Naturally, I scored a hundred for that 20-questions paper. And the teacher came to me to congratulate me. With her heavily accented but grammatically perfect English, she commended me for my command of the language with unveiled surprise in her face. You understand why was I offended? She was SURPRISED that I knew how to put 'is', 'are' and 'am' at their respectful places. IS AM ARE. IS ARE AM!

I never went for another English 101 class after that.

I strayed far from the main purpose of this blog. I wanted to tell you how important English is for certain professionals: Lawyers, Politicians, Doctors, Lecturers and so on. But this entry has been going on for so long without any relevant pictures, I'm gonna save that for another day.

Toodles.

P.S. - The pictures are all artworks of the very talented Yaro42 and I don't do them justice by not showing them in their full-size glory. Head on to his gallery if you're interested.

Suckage of Blogging: A Thesis

Uno:

Image by BabushkaYaga

You blog because you want a way to vent. Ok, but you can't rant about:

1 - someone who reads or might be reading your blog;
2 - someone whose friend reads your blog and you doubt the friend's loyalty to you
3 - something that you feel strongly about BUT you know a friend who reads you who feels the opposite way

Yeah, shut up with your 'it's your freedom of speech', 'oh, I won't mind', 'eh nevermind, I can learn from my mistakes': Nobody is ok when you say bad things about them/ their beliefs on how the world turns. Not even your best friends since womb. Nope, nada. Just keep it inside and shut up.

I, however, in my most desperate of days, managed to sneak in a very heavily-veiled attack in a few of my entries that nobody except for me will understand it. I get to feel the sense of accomplishment of saying something to a person's face and the victim won't get irritated because he/she doesn't realize that it's directed to them.

Dos:

Image by AK-is-Harmless

There's a lot of types of bloggers out there. There are the writers like yours truly, the capabs [How American does Kuh-Pap sounds eh? It's pronounced Cha-Pubs by the by], the camwhores, the emo, the real writers who don't really care who reads them and so on, and so on.

Let me tell you a secret. Writer-bloggers, the first one, LOVE it when people leave comments on their entries. It's true. There's a major hintage if there is ever one. Even a Hi, I read your blog comment. Yeah, I do sound pathetic but I'm 3 parts writer, 1 part emo and half a part capab so there.

Tres:

Ah, I don't have a tres, so I'll post this video:

It irks me that people don't watch my video. So watch it! I won't post anything that's not good for you.

I am so watching this

Pereriv

Sometimes you just have to step out of all the rage and chaos and, yes, even controversies and listen to songs that makes you feel warm and fuzzy. Therefore:



Moonshadow by Cat Stevens


What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong


Imagine by John Lennon


Give Me Love by George Harrison


Ain't Got No / I Got Life [Groovefinder Remix] by Nina Simone


One Love by Bob Marley

That's enough of feel good song to get you through the week. If you hate these songs, save us by rolling in honey and hanging yourself near a black grizzly bear's cave.