Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Intimidated

I gave in to the will of the people and joined Facebook around half a year ago. Now, I'm a permanent resident, unofficial moderator and paparazzi-stalker of Facebook.

What's great about Facebook is that EVERYONE has an account and the search function is rather user-friendly, unlike Friendster in its height.

Through Facebook, I've found back a LOT of my old friends, some of which I don't remember being friends with. So, old bonds were renewed, old jokes were retold. New promises of meeting up and whatnot were made.

I met this one old friend. Really old. Hell, the last time I remembered talking to him when I was 8 years old. 15 years ago. We talked online, really hit it off, we are quite the nerds and share quite a few nerdy interests. That's all good. And like with everyone else, I promised to meet up with him when I come back. One problem. He's a model now. No, not your counter-culture nerd model. A real you know, good-looking good-dressing model.

Another old friend, who reads my blog, by the by, is a girl I barely knew when I was in the Writers' bloc journalist workshop back when I was 15. 8 years ago. All of us spent 3, 4 days together and that's it. We never had any contact until very very very recently. And online, we talk about our interests more passionately than I do with most people I know and meet everyday in this very city. I'm meeting her up before going back to Malaysia.

I'm as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full with rocking chairs, I am.



I'm quite labile in personality and interests.

When the mood hits me, I can just listen to Bach and Beethoven all day with hot milo in my hand. But sometimes, I want to do nothing but head-bang to my Blink 182-Rammstein playlist.

My friends from high school were quite surprised to learn that my friends from UiTM think of me as a gentleman. I was known as the resident asshole of SMSU.

I laugh at and make crass jokes when I'm with group A but with group B I do nothing but debate seriously the finer things of philosophy and spirituality.

The only things, which are true whatever faces I wear are: I'm a bit of a nerd-geek combo, at the very least; I hold a rather universal spiritual belief; and that I love to write.

I'm afraid that when the time comes to meet up with these people, I'd have the wrong personality on. I envy those who can 'be themselves'. I am all these faces and more. I'm quite complex that I don't even know which stereotype I am! It's all find and dandy when I don't have to meet new people but when I have/want to, it's quite crippling.

That's the reason I come off shy or anti-social when I meet you for the first time. I was gathering data, so to speak, of your likes and dislikes, of how you speak, of what tickles you. That's also the reason why the second time you see me, I'm friendly as hell.

I'm so fucked up.

3 comments:

the mosaicist said...

i think being a salamander of sorts is normal for everyone la weh...and siapa yg kata "oh tak perangai aku depan semua org sesiapa pun lah sama aje" itu penipu besar namanya (and kalau betul2 ada serious aku tabik).

different ppl demands different approaches, and since surviving requires a significant part in itself: of you getting your own way, the only way you can actually do that is by studying the best way to get into these ppl's good books.

and you were not an asshole in SU (to me at least). misunderstood with a few quirks here and there but never an asshole ;)

Fuzzy A! said...

Well, that's why aku kata we all have masks. Simple example. You remember Kimmy said I was especially mean to him and bullied him a lot and that's why he's reluctant to meet up with me?

Fuzzy A! said...

And why Salamander? I thought chameleons are the animals that change colors one.