Caution: Wall of Ranting Text Ahead

I don't know whether it's the coming solar eclipse or just the misalignment of Jupiter and Mars tonight but I'm just depressed. At 1.30am in the morning. With an 8 am appointment with some old friends. The latest post of my current favorite blogger also shows that she's depressed. So, maybe it's the celestial factor affecting us thus.

I have issues. Like ISSUES. Maybe I think I'm too important and the world revolves around me but I feel guilty about things I know I shouldn't.

And I bloody well can't express it to no one. Not even on this blog. ESPECIALLY not on this blog. Some of my closer friends, friends who I'd trust my life to without the shadow of a doubt read this blog. But I can't tell any of them. They know too much about me and the people around me that it'd affect the way they think about these people. I can't take that guilt too.

The only person I feel like I could talk to is a new good friend. I'm rather distrustful and some of my older friends, who I've known for up to 20 or more years, have not earned my trust yet, though they've proven to be true friends. I just have trust issues. But this person, who I've known for maybe a bit more than a couple of months, I trust very much, maybe even completely, that it scares me. It truly, really, creepily scares me.

This person is practically 100% detached from my personal life, my friends, my family, though the person fancies otherwise. The person is practically a stranger that I trust. What better person to pour your heart to, eh?

The last time I felt so trusting about someone so fast, though not THIS fast, I, for my part, destroyed that relationship through by being clingy. I'm not too self-centered to say that there's no other factors. Both sides, I think, are equally to blame and my mistake was being to clingy. Not a day goes by with me not regretting being clingy but at the same time, I think I regret more not getting out of that before I started to get real clingy. This is one of those 'Regrets I have a few, but then again too few to mention.' Franky, baby, I feel you, man.

That went to shit.

And I fear I'd do the same mistake with this trusted stranger.

Maybe my friends and family are right. I need a girlfriend. Not to love, not to adore, not to celebrate, God, no. As I've said countless times, it's not my mating season yet. No, I need a girlfriend to bitch about everything. Eh Ver Ree Thing.