Creating Controversies

picture by Puk3y101

It's so easy to create controversies. People are so bloody sensitive when it comes to things that don't affect them the least.

Take the recent idiocy of the fatwa diarrhea for example. A non-muslim friend said that she didn't think the fatwa on yoga is credible because commercial yoga don't even touch the spiritual side of yoga. She got blasted. Apparently, she insulted Islam.

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"Religious" people get so easily excited over people saying something about their belief that they don't accept/are ignorant of. You shouldn't insult our religion, nay, negatory, noncorrectomundo! But we're free to insult yours.

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Feminists. You open the door for them, you're being condescending. You don't open door for them, you're being an unchivalrous pig.

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People hate it when you're controversial. I secretly believe that they're angry that they themselves didn't have the courage to do what you did. That's my secret for PostSecret

Equality between sexes

Image by qczman

Fuck you, there's never been and never will be equality between sexes.

Man and woman were not built the same. A penis is just not a vagina. And man-boobs can never be as glorious as natural boobs.

Men are superior to women, generally, in terms of physical strength and... umm... hmm... oh yeah... no... Well, that's it.

A woman is superior to a man in every other way:-

• Emotionally - yes, you cry a lot but it's healthier than the male bottling-up
• Physiologically - your immune system, your hemostasis, your instincts... hell everything la
  
• Sexually - Dude, women can get multiple orgasms! You know how many guys envy that?
• Socially - reproductive, nurturing, political, economical roles have been dominated by women since the dawn of time. Men's only role in a purely biological and evolutionary society is reproductive, i.e. continuing the breed. And that too society only needs the seeds, not the whole organism
• Spiritually - In all systems of belief women come after men. God made men and said, "Oh shit, I fucked up." and made women. Women are Homo Sapiens 2.0
• Medically and scientifically, do you know that the embryo's neutral template is that of a female? This means that if there is a problem with a genetically male fetus' gonads not producing testosterone or something, the baby born will resemble a baby girl, complete with vagoo and stuff, and if this is not fixed, this might go on for the rest of his/her life.
  

Image by mehmeturgut

Male chauvinism mainly came from two ends with one origin. They came through the spreading of Christianity and Islam. No, I'm not saying that these religions teach sexual bigotry... Well, you have to ignore whatever Paul said post-Jesus. Paul is a sexist wanker.

But see in the Quran and in the Gospels. Both raises the standards of women. You see, there was no need to raise the standards of women in all other societies in the world except for the Mid-Eastern tribes.

Sure, the Son of Heaven is the Supreme Ruler of Ancient China but the Queen Mother by tradition always had the last words. See the priesthoods of Mars and Amaterasu. See the cult of the druids and the Puteri Gunung Ledang. Women played at least an equal, if not greater, role in all ancient societies.

The Y chromosomes have only 86 working genes compared to the thousand that are in the X. Even Evolution hates us. We're dead sooner or later, men. Better suck up to the girls now.

So girls, stop your whining. We'll be gone sooner than you expect.

Cikgu aku gempak

I've always been the teachers' pet for almost all subjects since my secondary school, I think. I don't know, maybe I'm just lovable and cuddly in nature. Maybe it's because I pay attention when they speak and seriously, people our age don't do that no more.

Nah, it's the cuddly thing.

So, anyway, my favouritest teacher in high school was this one lady named Pn Rawiyah Mustaffa Kamal. And, like everyone in high school, she first referred to me as Dahlia's brother. You'd think that'd be something to be annoyed about but seriously, EVERYBODY referred to me as Dahlia's brother. Even some of my friends who I knew for so damn long. Haha.

And at first I thought the Kamal at the end of her name is just something people add, that is to say, there was quite a famous actor back then named Mustaffa Kamal and everytime I hear the name Mustaffa, I make a mental addition of Kamal. You know, like Colonel and Sanders, Ronald and McDonald and so on. I thought everybody did it. Haha.

Everybody loved the BM teacher and that's a rare ocassion in our class. The sports-metallica jocks liked her. The group of Malay girls liked her. The numerous pengawases loved her. Hell, even the cool chinese gang at the back of the class loved her. This is a BIG thing, since they seemed like they have a problem with every single one of our teachers.

'02-'03 were the years of WWF and the thing that was shown back then was Raw is War! and Pn Rawiyah was often referred to as Pn Raw. And I don't know why but I doodled a caricature of her [It was my I-wanna-be-a-comic-artist stage] and scribbled under there Raw is War! Needless to say, she discovered it and that earned me an ear twisting. One of the guys sitting at the back of the class brought a camera, I think it was the last week of school, and that moment was immortalized forever in our senior year's Gemala magazine.

After leaving SMKSU, I tried to set up lunch/high tea with her and my friend her daughter but I guess time was never on our side. At one point, me and Amni, her daughter, that is, even toyed with the idea of a picnic, haha. Oh well. There's always this summer.

And Amni just told me that Pn RAW has a blog!!! Bimbo mode commencing- Like, OMGary! I'd be super scared if my parents ever discover blogging. They'll be, like, all up my space and whatnot. Like, whatever! - Bimbo mode end

What is the purpose of this post? I don't know. I just feel like sharing it. It's my blog so shut up if you don't like it. I guess, it's a tribute. I would have written in BM but my BM is so bad I'd insult Pn Raw.

Blogspot's acting weird now and I can't add a pic of her here. Oh well.

A New Fatwa

PRINCESUCCESS, Bolehland: The National Fatwa committee of Bolehland has decided to show to people how ignorant they are and a new way to put 'Islam' to a new low.

Dr. Sakaria Ztapa from the Faculty of Islamic Destruction of the University Kebangsaan Bolehland claimed that breathing can be traced back to the pagan belief of cavemen. He explained that the cavemen breathed and therefore are able to worship the sun, the moon and their neighbour Bob's inch-long penis.

"Breathing is therefore essential to the pagan spirituality," explained Dr. Ztapa. "And anyone breathing are deviating from the true teaching of Islam!"

He further urged that all Muslims cease to breathe and those who are practicing this vital act should stop immediately.

When asked by this reporter why Dr Ztapa hadn't stopped breathing, the Dr immediately held his breathe and after five minutes collapse lifelessly.

Following this recent and sudden death, Muslims of Bolehland gathered to mourn his passing by pissing and spitting on the corpse. But the devotees were disappointed: it seemed that the body was struck by lightning an average of three times in a minute and this obvious divine approval of the Doctor's fatwa brought joy to the gathered crowd. They then proceeded to fling their refuse to the corpse from a safe distance.

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Seriously, people call me an embarassment to Muslims everywhere, a murtad, a munafiq and quite a few other mu-s, and they let this guy run around? Hell, the whole fatwa committee should be condemned too for actually having to discuss this rather than throwing it straight into the sewage treatment center, where it belongs.

Summore proudly say that they hadn't reached a decision. Is a form of exercise equal to deviation of Islam? If you take a whole week to declare that you can't reach a conclusion about this obvious matter, you can see which retards are passing spiritual laws in Malaysia.

Women wearing pants = tomboys = lesbians, so no no for Muslims. But gay guys also wear pants what and dresses and robes. Maybe we should all be naked.

The usage of the word Allah should be exclusive for Muslims. Muslim readers ask yourself. Why was Muhammad tolerated when he said none should be worshipped but Allah? I mean, you might say he preached discreetly but obviously it is known because he was getting so much shit, figuratively and literally. Don't know? Well, in pre-Islam Arab mythology, Allah is actually a God too. With three daughters summore, Manat, Latta and Uzza. So, Muhammad was seen as a cult leader rather than bringer of a new religion.

What does this mean? It means that we should censor the Quran. Throw out every single Allah there is in all its form and, since, obviously, Malaysian Malays are the most supreme race, substitute the pagan Allah with P Ramlee or Kassim Selamat. Yeah, you should begin each prayer with Bismi-P. Ramlee-rahmanirrahim.

I know some thick headed bastards are going to condemn me as a apostate, so let me say this here: It's sarcasm, people. And if you HAVE to leave a comment saying that I shouldn't joke about this kind of stuff, just leave a comment saying "I can't take a joke" and I'll understand. A "I am an idiot" or a "I'm a retard" will also be understood.

I demand a reformation of the National Fatwa Council immediately! I demand a review of every single fatwa they issued!
Seeing how you can make fatwas on anything you so damn well pleased without good backing evidence, [or, indeed, any at all] I declare a fatwa to carry this big ass I Hate STUPID FATWAS badge thing on all your blogs.

Holly's looking dry

I just can't ignore a good headbanging. And the run-run-run part is the best I've heard. w00t!



Easy Target
Blink 182
All her signals are getting lost in the ether,(That's what she wanted)
she's a landslide with a city beneath her(That's what she wanted)
So take a good look, so you'll never forget it (That's what she wanted)
Take a deep breath, I know I'm gonna regret it (That's what she wanted)

Holly's looking dry looking for an easy target
Let her slit my throat give her ammo if she'll use it
Caution on the road lies lies and hidden danger.
Southern California's breeding mommy's little monster.

She's got a mission, and I'm collateral damage. (That's what she wanted)
She's the flower that you place on my casket. (That's what she wanted)
Savor the moment cause the memory's fleeting.
Take a photograph, as the last train is leaving.

Holly's looking dry looking for an easy target
Let her slit my throat give her ammo if she'll use it
Caution on the road lies lies and hidden danger.
Southern California's breeding mommy's little monster.

Better run run run run run (Holly let me out)
Better run run run run run (Holly let me out)
Better run run run run run (Holly let me out)
Better run run run run run run run (Holly let me out)

The Hood Theory

I've discovered something today.

Yes, a new theory. [For those who doesn't know me, I have a buttload of theories without any backing]

I christened it the Hood Theory, jengjengjeng.

When you use those sweaters with hoods rationally, i.e. when it's cold and not when you're in a sweaty country thinking you so ghetto, sweaters with hoods can really affect you psychologically.

You wear hoods when it's cold, so it's probably late autumn or early winter. The weather's fucked up. It's gloomy, it's cold. Physiology dictates that you'd be depressed.

So, you put up your hoods. The material is quite thick, just like that double chin you're growing. Every sound around you is muffled. Blingblingbling - You feel alone even though it's the mother of all chaos around you.

You have the sight of a race-horse when you pull your hood on. You have to actually turn your head to glance at a thing on your right and left. Extra work is always depressing or is it just me? Anyways, there'd be more near-accidents. You don't really hear/see cars or people coming at you on the street, lots of horns blaring, lots of mumbled apologies -> the feeling the world is against you.

That's why stereotypical rappers from 4-season countries are always depressed and lash out to the community.

If you don't get what I'm saying, maybe these pictures will help:



I'm such a sustagenius!

Edit: Blogspot's fine and all but the upload image service is wtfness personified.

See what a great friend I am

This is something I bought in HK and wanted to give Barry for his birthday but forgot, wtf [Actually, if I had the four, I would've kept it for myself but Newman Tse said the rest must be ordered first because not in high demand. Ho hum]
If you don't get what it is: It's a wooden carving of Lennon that you can hang.

Edit:
Oh yeah, happy birthday, GB.

Flea flea flea

This is a flea. What it does is it sucks blood from its host, be it a dog, cat or humans. There's no medical benefit from having fleas. The itch drives you crazy. The only good thing about having fleas is when you finally stink them to craziness, then, you use your thumbnail to crush the little fuckers to death. The music of the squish and the sight of smeared blood are far more than enough to compensate the months of itchiness you had to endure while feeding them. It's just like growing your favourite veggie, only the harvest is infinitely more satisfying.

I feel like crushing fleas with my thumbnail. But the fleas I feel like crushing could only be satisfactorily killed with a nail-studded club.

Author/artist rendition of the joyful day that will come. Yes the
author/artist has a tummy of a respectable size. Deal with it.